MY DAY WITH DICK VAN DYKE November 2010

By Stephen Cole

 I am not sure where the idea came from. It was fifteen year ago. That much I know. I think I was so impressed by that time Chita Rivera had Dick Van Dyke appear with her for a brief few performances when she did her biographical show on Broadway. But it was also when I realized that the 50^th anniversary of their co-starring show Bye, Bye Birdie was approaching that I came up with the notion of a reunion show. Something live with the two of them and lots of film clips (even with them interacting with their younger selves). I imagined that they had literally not seen each other for the last fifty years. Brainstorming with my partner in crime, David Krane, we came up with an opening number for the show called “Where Have You Been All These Years?” As if each of them had no clue what the other had been up to for five decades. A piece of special material designed for both their personalities. David and I whipped it up and rehearsed it with me playing Chita (I loved dipping down to those low notes). Now, each of us had a great history with the Tony Winning Star. I actually wrote my musical Casper for her and had the joy of tailoring it to her amazing talents and watching her triumph in a huge summer tour. David had written dance music for Kiss of the Spider Woman. So we both came at this with our devotion to this goddess. When we finished the song and I had written a treatment for what might develop into a stage show but ultimately might be a TV special (“spectacular” was the term in the 50s and we saw it that way too), we summoned Chita and her brother Armando (he managed her career as well) to David’s apartment and proceeded to perform the number for her. Never was there a better audience. The laughs were huge and she clearly loved the song and the whole idea of the show. Our next audience was to be for her new agent at William Morris. We did the whole thing again and like many second performances, this one did not land as well as the first. Her young agent (Biff Liff, the agent of agents, and the one I had dealt with when we cast her in Casper had retired or died, I can’t remember which) was not as enthusiastic as she had been and when he left, in true Chita style, she said, “fuck him, let’s go pitch it to Dick!” 

The wheels started turning as Chita called her old friend and co-star, who was living in Malibu. It was arranged that somehow we would come out there and sing the song and pitch the show. Now that I look back I realize we might have sent off a demo recording and some pages, but this being Chita and with David and I also from the old school, we all decided live was best. 

The date was chosen and Chita herself was to fly us out and meet us up at the airport in LA. Meanwhile, I flew to Irving, Texas to oversee a brand new production of my musical The Night of the Hunter which was to premiere in the neighborhood of Halloween. Rehearsals were going well and as was my custom, I rode a borrow bicycle back and forth from my hotel in Las Colinas to Irving (on the side of a highway, no less) in the extreme heat of a November Texas day.

The day before I was to fly out, I had done an interview with some local press and hopped on my bike to return to my hotel to pack for tomorrow. Before I could exit Irving, I skidded on some mud and hit the handbrakes hard, making me flip over the handlebars and land on my face after skidding on my back. I was laying their in a pool of sweat as drivers just drove by. One kind woman stopped to see if I was alright and I said I was (I was not). Somehow I got myself up to my feet and thought I would just ride back home now. But the bike was in severe disrepair (and not even mine) so I just picked it up and started the long (about 16 miles) walk back to Los Colinas alone the side of the highway. When I got back I looked in a mirror and saw that I could pass for a mugging victim. My back had road burns that hurt like hell and my face was as if someone punched me repeatedly. Although I was in pain, I washed up, took a cab back to rehearsal and was coddled by the cast and crew. They all knew I was due to fly the next day and warned me not to go.  Many advised I see a doctor or hit the hospital, but I had not time for that and there was no way I was not getting on that plane in the morning.

 When I reached LAX, both David were there to greet me. They were shocked at the sight of my face (they should have seen my back!) and Chita screamed, “what happened to you?”

I joked and told her that the director of my show wanted changes and when I refused, beat me up. She laughed and that was that. Now it was time for the task at hand. We got into the rental car…David, Chita and me…and she drove us from LA to Malibu to meet Dick Van Dyke.

 At this time, Dick, who is 100 years old today was a mere tot of 85. When we arrived at his house on a hill, he was there to greet us at the door. Tall and straight with a full head of white hair and clean shaven (today he has a bushy white beard) he seemed like a man in his 60s. He and Chita greeted each other with hugs and kisses like long lost friends and compatriots. Well, they were.

 After some pleasantries and introductions (Dick never even acknowledged my badly bruised face) David and I went over to Dick’s upright piano which was covered in sheet music. He apparently liked to play and sing there. He told us he was in fact rehearsing with acapella vocal and jazz group The Vantastix for a retrospective show at the Geffen. We quickly said that they might be part of this show we were planning. Before we could say much more David at the piano and me with my script and lyrics in hand I talked about the concept of the show. I read from the treatment I wrote to set the scene:

Overview:

50 years ago Chita Rivera and Dick Van Dyke co-starred in the smash hit musical Bye Bye Birdie, knocking Broadway on its ear. They each went on to dazzling careers but have never shared the stage for a full evening again...until now.

Our show will be a multi-media event celebrating both of their careers on stage, screen and TV and answering the musical question: "Where have we been all these years?"  Chita and Dick will be backed up by six male dancer-singers and sometimes by the video clips themselves.  When we need to give Chita and/or Dick a chance to leave the stage and change, the pre-recorded film can be used to make it seem like we are going right back into the wings and changing for the next number with them.

Setting:

Our set should be designed so that the screens or LED screens move as if choreographed and so that at some points they fill the stage and at others they are partially used.  Besides the screens, which can act as full backdrops for numbers there would be two high director's chairs with the stars names on them and eventually, other various pieces when needed, and for the finale Bye Bye Birdie Medley, a 1960's couch and ottoman resembling the set of the Dick Van Dyke Show.

Chita and Dick sat watching and listening. She all nervous and excited anticipation and Dick with an open smiling face saying, “show me what you got, boys!”

 With a flourish the keys, David and I launched into our song. David being the perfect Dick Van Dyke and me, always, Chita. We got a big laugh when my lyric about them being like “tequila and milk” came.

DICK

(Amused)

Tequila and Milk?

 CHITA

Well, yes...tequila is dark and fiery and grrrrrrr...grrr...grr...

 DICK

And milk is...?

CHITA

White!

As the song went on Dick laughed in the right places and Chita patted his hand and nodded as proud as a mother chick. Before we could even finish the song, Dick was on his feet singing along and eventually on the floor doing his version of a break dance! At 85! It was clear he was loving what we wrote. After the song was done I proceeded to explain the rest of the show and some of the concepts of how we would write it. Songs from each of their productions over the years ending of course with a monumental medley from Bye, Bye Birdie.

 When we were done, it was clear that we had scored with Dick Van Dyke. We all sat around a while then and chatted…well, Chita and Dick did anyway. David and I, like two flies on the wall listened as they gossiped and reminisced. Chita reminding Dick about those time when he was out of Birdie and how she would have to go on with Charles Nelson Reilly, his standby. She said that the kiss they shared was not exactly erotic. They talked about the recent 2009 revival of Birdie that Chita attended. Dick recalled getting a message from her lamenting, “it was a piece shit!” Never a wasted word from our Chita. All the chit-chat led to Dick admitting he never could really sing and dance. Chita was incredulous.

"But Dick how did you do all that singing and dancing in Birdie and in the movies?" Dick just replied: "Mirrors"

Dick, who had recently lost his partner of many years talked about looking for a new girlfriend.

“I like a woman with a big ass!” he confided.

With his favorite holiday, Halloween approaching, Dick showed us around his workshop where he had built a full size electric chair with a dummy into. This was to be displayed on his front lawn to scare all the Malibu kids. The chair lit up and sizzled when it was plugged in. Dick was like a small child relishing what effect this would have on the neighborhood trick- or- treaters.

 As the day wore on (I can’t remember whether we had lunch or not) it became time for us to drive back to LA and leave Mr. Van Dyke. Before we left, though, Dick told us that as wonderful as the show sounded, he needed to admit that at 85 he was having trouble memorizing lines and songs. Our faces (especially Chita’s) drooped. He said he was fine improvising but did not think he could memorize the new song or any new dialogue. Knowing what a stickler Chita was for rehearsals and memorizations (when I did Casper she was the first off book and her dances were flawless) I felt that this wonderful project was slipping through our fingers. In fact, that one man retrospective show with the Vantastix at the Geffen played one preview before Dick gave up the ghost due to memory problems.

 But on that NoveMber day in 2010, we parted with the idea that we would be able to work it out somehow and would be in touch. I snapped a photo of Dick and Chita, but we never got one of David and Dick and myself. We were only left with the memory of this great day. Of meeting Albert Peterson, Bert the chimney sweep, Rob Petrie all rolled into one great man… Dick Van Dyke.

 Fifteen years later, Chita is gone, my face has healed and David and I are still writing together.  And Dick Van Dyke is still here. Celebrating his 100^th birthday. My gift from him is the memory of him singing along to our song and break dancing on the floor. 

Happy birthday Mr. Van Dyke.